So Gay

February 8, 2007

Thanks for The Peking Duck pointing me to this link before it was too late. I had no idea I was at such a great risk of becoming gay! I was ill-informed about the evils lurking in my iPod – iGay more like it!

donniedavies.jpgOne of the most dangerous ways homosexuality invades family life is through popular music. Parents should keep careful watch over their children’s listening habits, especially in this Internet Age of MP3 piracy. – God Hates Fags! Love Gods Way!

A partial list of the bands that I was unknowingly allowing to make me gay:

  • Rufus Wainwright
  • Ravi Shankar
  • Wilco
  • Bjork
  • Interpol
  • Tegan and Sara
  • The Grateful Dead (drugs too)
  • The Doors
  • Phish
  • Queen
  • The Strokes
  • Morrissey
  • The Pet Shop Boys
  • Metallica
  • The Rolling Stones
  • David Bowie
  • Depeche Mode
  • Ani DiFranco
  • John Mayer
  • Velvet Underground
  • Nirvana
  • The Killers
  • Lou Reed
  • DMX
  • Thirty Seconds to Mars
  • Arcade Fire
  • Bright Eyes
  • Audioslave
  • Red Hot Chili Peppers

I can only thank God and Donnie Davies that there’s a Safe List of bands that aren’t going to make me attracted to men, or women that look like men, or men that look like women that look like men.

The weird part is, no one seems to know if this is a hoax or not. The site, Love Gods[sic] Way, is run by a guy named Donnie Davies who used to be gay but has now seen the light (or rather, heard the “right” music). He’s written a song called “The Bible Way” that if listened to with no regard for the lyrics you would easily classify as the gayest thing you’ve ever heard. And I mean no disrespect to homosexuals by saying that.

There’s a bit of an Internet witch-hunt for his “true” identity (here, here and here) and as best as I could find, the answer is still un-found. As a joke it’s mildly humorous, but as reality it’s just nuts.

At the time of writing the Love Gods Way site didn’t have complete information up about its C.H.O.P.S (Changing Homosexuals into Ordinary People – yeah, don’t ask us where the ‘I’ went or where the ‘S’ came from) program, but honestly… only from the gay son of a minister does this makes sense.

9 Responses

  1. Tripped over that one too at The Duck. Didn’t suspect any coverup though, but such sites are easily forgotten. Not sure I want to check out the video. The still on the player is plenty gayish for me (and not dissing the gays too) 🙂

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  2. Come on! This is total satire. (god willing)
    The give-away for me was the link to on his bio at ‘reformed homosexual’ to the wiki page on Ted Haggard. (Not to mention his ‘films’ description on myspace: “Passion of the Christ. Mel really Nailed that one”. )

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  3. This existence of this site is spreading not only through internet, but through ordinary radio (in the US). I heard about it last week when listening to a local radio show on my way to work. Apparently, although I haven’t been to the site to see it for myself, anybody can submit a band name. So, pretty much anybody can ask to have a band added to the gay list.

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  4. I am also strongly leaning towards this all being a joke – but man is it ever taken seriously.

    I wonder if my new band “Scared Straight” will make it to the “safe” list. Our new disc, “Smoke That Fag!”, should be out by summer. Here’s a partial track list:

    1) Sailors Suck, Butt Pirates Rule.
    2) There’s A Monster In My Closet
    3) Queen For A Day
    4) Gay Bash Party Mix

    And the all-Chinese: 5) 后妈否屄压.

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  6. well, if it is satire it’s still not as cringe-worthy as what reality offers up, in the form of Ted Haggard and all his shenanigans.

    What’s with Ravi Shankar on the list? that’s the mooost confusing. isn’t he norah jones’ father? maybe it’s bcoz the sitar is a bit woosy.

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  7. OK come on now i’ve listened to about half of those bands for most of my life…….and I’m STRAIGHT. Never will i “suck on a fag” or enter in the exit door. This must be a hoax. I can’t wait to hear what Metallica has to say about this one. Remember when they freaked out about NAPSTER…..man the Shits gona hit the fan…although I’ve had some feelings about Kiek Hammet um…….being the captin of the hurshey highway patrol…..even if he is to me they are one of the greatest bands in the world. It won’t make me a Butt dart champion of any year.

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  9. Music has always had the powers to make one gay. When I was a small child I had a small piano and candelabra I would bring out and impersonate the great Liberace.

    And for those that remember it I would always tune into “A Queen for a Day”. I would shiver when the cape and gown was brought out for some poor woman with twenty kids and who’s husband was out of work.

    DonPato
    GayChina

    Reply

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