My bestfriend’s married. Wait, let me say that again… Cory Is Married!
I’ve been trying to wrap my head around this marraige thing for the last few weeks but I’ve not come any closer to reaching any sort of enlightment about it.
What I’ve been trying to do is understand the significance of the day in relation to life in general. For instance, in the case of my bestfriend and his new bride – or myself and Maggie for that matter – they’ve lived together for quite a long time, and coming home from their wedding I’m curious if there is a different “feeling” between them. Same house to return to, same bed to sleep in, same jobs to go to, same dinner to cook and cats to feed. What changes?
Reading this, it might come across as cynical, and I don’t mean it to be at all. I generally have a pretty high regard for the institute of marriage and I’m not knocking it. I’m just starting to wonder if maybe the whole thing isn’t a bit over rated. Not the commitment between the people, or the security that the commitment brings – but rather the concept of the ceremony itself.
I think where things get muddled for me is that I’ve been thinking a lot about what my ceremony is going to look like. As Maggie and I both don’t want a big blazing wedding ceremony, and have been considering what might amount to eloping in Thailand. As such, I’ve started looking at what is important about a wedding ceremony and what isn’t.
Sadly, I’ve not come to any answers. In both our cultures weddings become this black hole of financial suckery and maybe I’m just too practical for my own good. I know that generally the theme of a wedding is to forget about the expense, especially in regards to the bride and giving her “her” day. Well, I really want it to be “our” day and if it stresses us out, makes me miserable, bankrupts us for a year, puts our lives on hold and scatters our plans (travel, etc.) … I dunno… I start wondering if there isn’t a compromise.
I mean, it’s not about the money, right? It’s not about how many flowers you have, how many people are there, what food to serve… etc. These are things that are tacked on to fluff up the day, but really this is about you staring deep into your beloved’s eyes and saying you will always be there for them, love them, comfort them, and take care of them.
My biggest worry is that those things, which to me are the only things, will get lost in the shuffle of the day. Perhaps they get uttered and maybe flit through the brain in a spare moment while posing for this photo, standing for that toast, giving a speach or making sure everyone’s having a good time and forming good memories about my “special day” – but they become sort of an after thought. An “oh yeah!” moment in the cacophany of meeting the wedding ceremony expectations.
I’ve started looking into what it will take to have a quiet ceremony with sand between my toes and the sound of an ocean as our procession’s music… and it’s complicated. The best part of having a ‘traditional’ wedding is that there are lots of people who can offer sound advice. Where to get cheaper flowers, how to bargain with the photographer, what food to serve, what venue to rent, how to seat people, etc.; but there’s not much help when it comes to doing something ‘different’.
There’s lots of information about taking all the stresses of above and transplanting them on a beach, but I’m having a difficult time taking the whole thing off the well-worn path and making it our own. We’ll see what happens.
Sorry for that tangent… and please don’t take it to mean anything about Cory and Les’ wedding – it was amazing and beautiful. Here are some photos from the wedding:
The happy couple
[1] The groom and his men (minus CJ). [2] The bride and her maids.
[1] Ah, there’s CJ – pondering. [2] Our to-the-photoshoot transportation.
[1] The scene stealing Rebecca – Cory’s niece. [2] Carol – Cory’s mom. [3] Rosaline and Richard – Cory’s stepmom and dad.
Cristy, Candace and CJ – my friends that start with ‘C’
