China: “Give us your weird, your bizarre, your fuddled masses…”

One of the things about being an expat in China is that you meet a lot of great people from countries the globe over. A side-effect of this is that you end up in the company of some right weirdos on a regular basis.

China is the perfect hiding ground for these nutjobs. Where as in their home country they’d stick out like the emotionally scared, socially inept persons that they are; in China they blend. Chinese people, Mao love ’em, often can’t tell a regular Westerner from a fucking weird one. The cultural differences generally set us all into the fucking weird category – and it’s a hazy gradient between the “I’ve got unique views” and the “I’ve got unique views of Bee Arthur’s underpants”.

As residents in this country, and card carrying members of the expat community, it’s impossible not to run into these folks – but sadly when we do, we’re not blessed with the Chinese ignorance of Western weirdities.

For anyone still unsure of the type of people I’m speaking about, immediately visit Sinocidal and read the latest Chou Chou masterpiece – “The Srangest Expat Ever” – and you’ll quickly get a sense of all that I’m going on about.

“… My father always told me that I can learn a lot by listening to people older than myself. Jonathan was forty; so he must have had some interesting views on life.

He certainly did.

It’s quite rare in polite 21st Century society to have the word “Paki-lover” thrown at you as an insult when first meeting somebody. However, Jon belonged to a different time. A time when any God-fearing, blackshirt-wearing, goose-stepping, and other Fascist-hyphening white man could walk into his local newsagents and not have to be confronted with a non Aryan face. A decent time: when men were men, and women hid in the kitchen scared with a black eye. Especially if they were Asian. At first I put these racial outbursts down as one man’s eccentric quirks; like how one would excuse an elderly relative for throwing a cane at the TV because the newsreader is black.”

But the clincher of the post really comes from a comment by Mark B. (of China Grunge), when he shares this rather awesome Thorn Tree thread.

The thread goes from this:

Searching Far And Wide For Cycling Companion.
Be everything as it may, this transcontinental, international cyclotouriste is navigating to locate a good companion for an extended bicycling tour. Good is defined as—female, healthy, cyclist, with a sense of bold adventure, and the willingness to be compatable on an extended world tour with yours truly.

Starting time is—not any time soon.

Route is—to be decided by those on tour—you and me.

Length of time is—to be decided.

I be fifty-three, healthy, six feet, 180 pounds, good looking but nothing to get all up in the air about, blond receding hair, green eyes, university grad., writer, teacher. Can work in exotic locations and have done so, easy to get along with, adventurous, survivor, world traveler. Have bicycled thirty thousand miles through nineteen countries—USA, Canada, Mexico, western Europe, eastern Europe, former Soviet Union, China, south Korea.

To this (in about 10 posts):

Fuck you you goddamn son of a whore. Just delete my membership. Oh and let me tell you something you goddamn cowards—You fucking well better KEEP hiding behind distance and anonymity you chickenshit poltroons. You people are blithering, no-good, chickenshit cowards. Not one of you yellow bellies would dare approach me in person and interfere with me in this way. I goddamn dare you to come to me face to face this way. I fucking well dare you.


It has to be seen to be believed. And if that’s not enough, be sure to check out the guy’s “Discovery 9-1-1

One Response

  1. Pingback: Speeding Up Wordpress | Dao By Design Blog

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *