Mailbag: Suzhou, home for cheats and liars?

Being that this blog has been around for a while now, and that it consistently lists at the top of the search results for many things “Suzhou”, I tend to get my fair share of e-mails from readers or random passers-by.

Most of these are e-mails from folks moving to Suzhou, or China in general, and are looking for a man-on-the-ground to answer some of the peace of mind questions the guide books don’t give you. I always try to answer these as honestly and as detailed as I can, as I also did this when coming to China and I remember the help it was (thanks again Dezza).

However, back at the start of February I got an e-mail of a different kind. A woman, lets call her Mary, contacted me looking for her ex-lover/partner, lets call him Ted. Ted had moved to Suzhou in recent months and Mary hadn’t been able to contact him. Her first couple e-mails made it appear that he might be in trouble, and I dutifully wanted to help in any way I could.

But as our e-mail exchanges went on it played out that Ted had “betrayed” Mary both romantically and financially, and she was trying to track him down for some finality to the situation – even looking seriously at the option of coming to Suzhou to find him herself. What at first appeared to be a concerned letter for a friend quickly deteriorated into a more and more desperate plea for me to help her covertly find this man.

It was then that I politely exited the situation. I explained I would happily offer advice on Suzhou or China, even going as far as saying I would organize a car to pick her up from the airport so that she could avoid having to navigate the all-Chinese shuttle bus situation, but couldn’t play a part in the rest of it.

An e-mail or two followed in the months after that 20+ e-mail exchange in February, but essentially it went quiet – until yesterday.

Yesterday I received an e-mail from Mary‘s long-term friend “Beth“. Apparently in the intervening months Mary has become quite ill due to this situation and is off work indefinitely as a direct result. Beth, being the dutiful friend, has picked up Mary‘s cause and is continuing with it.

Here is the e-mail I received:

Dear Ryan,

You don’t know me, but you know my best friend, Mary. I am going through her few contacts in China, desperately trying to help her.

I have been with Mary in London for almost eight weeks. I came down from Cambridge at the end of April, because she had a fall and my plan was to take her home with me for a few days until she was better. I did not realise how ill she was and took her to hospital, where she spent almost six weeks, and where a lot of disturbing medical news have come come to light. She is really desperately ill, and although she is home now (for how long I cannot say), she is in a terrible state. In total, she has now been really sick for over five months. She has been diagnosed with a number of serious problems. I have known her for over 13 years, and I can hardly recognise her, neither physically nor emotionally.

I understand Mary contacted you earlier in the year about Ted. She told me you were kind to her, although you didn’t seem to hold out much hope for her ever finding him and making him see sense. It is Ted I am writing to you about, hoping you will be able to share your local knowledge with me. Please forgive me, but I will need to go into some detail.

You know from Mary that she loves the man (I have never met him) and cannot understand why one moment he wanted her to move to China with him, wanted to finish with the gold digger he had just shacked up with, and then walked out on Mary less than an hour later (I think she told you this).

My priority is to help my friend. Mary is a wonderful woman. She is generous and kind, lacks selfishness and is the most supportive person you could ever hope to meet. What she has done for Ted is amazing, and it makes me cry when I think how he ‘repaid’ her love and kindness.

The guy was in the gutter when they met. He had nothing, no money, no hope, no prospects. Mary got him out of the gutter and helped him become a human being again. She took him into her home, into her life, she paid his debts, she looked after him and supported him in all the ways someone who is down in the dumps needs. They were really happy together. She made is possible for him to go to China and get settled. She supported him throughout the first five months in China. Throughout all this, Ted promised he would come back to Mary and support her the way she had supported him. He never did – instead he shacked up with a girl half his age and, since then, has done nothing but destroy the foundations of Mary‘s life. He has not made contact, justified his appalling behaviour or tried to make amends. There was no way she was expecting any of this – the last time they spoke, he assured her he couldn’t wait to be with her!

You might easily say that a grown man has a right to move on and give his affections to somebody else, but I don’t think anybody has the right to destroy the person who helped them back on their feet and gave them a new lease of life.

As a direct consequence of Ted‘s betrayal (there is no other word for it), Mary has become seriously ill. Both psychologically and physically. She has been signed off sick since January and is now on a much-reduced salary. If she ever returns to work, her career will not be the same again, as her responsibilities have been taken away from her. She has to give up all her extra freelance work, and the cost of her treatment is astronomical (counselling, therapy, medical bills etc.). She is now having with about 40% of her original salary.

While Ted was living in London with Mary, she clothed and fed him. She bought things he needed, she lent him substantial amounts of money. Mary has little interest in material matters, but she is not made of money and was only in a position to do all these things for Ted because he had promised to support her in return (as you do in relationships – help each other through lean times). There was no way she was prepared to support him long-term. What she did for him, Ted called “an investment”, and he promised he would take care of her.

Now that Ted has disappeared without ‘honouring’ his side of the bargain, Mary‘s financial security has been destroyed. She has no money left and has had to put her flat on the market because she can no longer afford the mortgage payments. I am not sure how familiar you are with the UK property market, but now is not a good time to sell, and there has been no interest in her flat, although it has been on the narket for some six weeks.

Apologies for the detailed background of this human tragedy (that’s what it is!), but it is not right that somebody should get away with something like this, purely because they cannot stay faithful and are selfish.

A few days ago, we worked out that, in total, Ted has ‘cost’ Mary somewhere in the region of £25,000 (that is 350,000 CNY, I believe; an amount it would take someone on a monthly salary of 10,000 CNY three years to earn! I have used the figure of 10,000 CNY, because that is apparently what Ted was earning teaching for some college in the first semester.. Apparently, that’s an excellent salary – would you be able to confirm that?

So why am I giving you all this background? I have a few questions.

1. I have found out (by contacting the company Ted started working for in February) that he was fired from his job in May. He was fired for two reasons. One of them was incompetence, the other was lying about his qualifications. His former employer told me that they found out he did not have a degree from the London university he said he had completed his studies at. I have checked with the university, and they confirm this is fraud. From YOUR knowledge of business practise in China, would you say this a serious offence? Apparently, Ted marketed himself as a graduate and made himself sound ‘famous’. What can happen to a foreign national if they are found to lie about their qualifcations? In the UK, this would be regarded as a seriouss crime. What is the legal position in China?

My other question is: how important is a reference in China? I expect sacking an employee for incompetence and lying means that no referencce is isssued? Would it be hard to find a good job without one? I understand Ted is a computer programmer, but from what his former employer told me, there is very litte demand for Western IT support, as China has plenty of homegrown talent (cheaper, too, I suppose).

That leaves teaching English (certainly not what Ted had in mind!). Ted‘s former employer tells me that he thinks Ted has moved on to one of the many English Language schools in Suzhou. What qualifcations would a British national have to have to find a job in one of them? I assume some language schools are more reputable and professional than others (I read something on the net about one language school forging their tutors’ certificates – not a great recommendation …).

Do you know if it is easy to find work as an English tutor? And what would also interest me is whether the renewal of a foreigner’s visa is dependent on a minimum salary and/or minimum length of contract. In other words, if Ted find it difficult to lie his way into another job, will he be thrown out of the country?

How much, in your view, would someone have to earn to live comfortably (including Western-style accommodation, such as a well-appointed two-bedroom flat)?

Also, do foreigners have to renew their visa in their home country, or can they do it at the consulate? After what time, if at all, is a visa issued ‘open-ended’? Do foreigners have the right to move around China freely and find work anywhere, or are there restrictions?

2. I have been to see both the Citizens Adivice Bureau and a lawyer about Mary‘s financial losses. They were very supportive. The problem is that in order for any papers to be sent to Ted, they need a postal address. Mary has an address for Ted, but we don’t know if he still lives there. The phone has been of order for three weeks, although, according to Ted, he never moved from that address in January (although he told Mary he would). He sent her a brief email over eight weeks ago, saying they should talk. He asked her to call him ‘at home’. I called him for weeks, as Mary was in hospital, but most of he time the phone just rang and rang. Very occasionally, someone Chinese picked up, but as soon as I said “Ted, please?”, the phone was put down – someone clearly does not wish him to be contacted.

Ted claims that land lines in Suzhou are terribly unreliable. Is that your view as well? He says he ‘genuinely’ (his words) wants to talk, but has not made the slightest attempt. Between us, Mary and I must have called his landd line thousands of times.

Now it is out of order, and I cannot establish whether there is a fault on the line or whether nobody lives there. How long does it take to repair a faulty phone line in China?

Is there any way I can find out if this liar still lives there, or, if he has moved, where he has moved to? And his new phone number?

Let me assure you that I am not asking you these questions because I want cheap revenge. Mary doesn’t even know I am trying to make enuiries. The reason why I am trying to fnd out as much as I can is because this lying cheat has destroyed my friend’s health and happiness and he has ruined her financially. I don’t think he should get away with this – and I would feel the same if it wasn’t my friend who has been sobbing her heart out for months and is too ill to go to the toilet unaided. Although this is, of course, a very personal matter for Mary, it is also a moral and ethical one

Mary worked so hard to get where she was at the end of 2007 (buying property in London, a good job, staff and students respecting and admiring her, savings etc.). I know relationships break down, but what has happened here is cruel and nasty. The man is a cheat and a coward, he has no spine and no morals. Mary and Ted were in a loving, long-term relationhip and had made plans for their future. Ted was a nothing who had just gone bankrupt. He had the clothes he was standing up in. And then he meets someone who helps him turn his life around, helps him re-build his self-esteem and get a second chance (not easy in your early 40s). And he repays her by walking out on her without ever giving any indication. I don’t think this should go unpunished. I would just like to find out whether there is something I can do, and your local etc. knowledge would be much appreciated.

I would be grateful if you could give me any information you can think of. I will probably think of something else to ask as soon as I send this.

Thank you taking the time to read this.

Best wishes,

Pretty dramatic stuff eh? As with Mary, I’ve provided Beth with general information about Suzhou, cost of living, etc. But have once again stated my position that I wont get involved in the actual situation.

What I’d give to sit down with “Ted” and hear what he has to say. “Ted“, if by some strange reason you’re out there and read this, please feel free to comment.

29 Responses

  1. This definitely brings up the long talked about issue of escapism abroad. (particularly rampant in Asia eh?)
    That combination of anonymity and celebrity can be dangerous indeed.
    For this lady, unfortunately, I don’t see much hope outside of ‘Ted’ here deciding himself to get back in touch. I suppose coming here is the only real ‘solution’. But then what?
    Also reminds me of a story about a year back about that sex offender found hiding out in Suzhou.
    Well, cheers to the non-assholes.

  2. Not a comment on this situation, but a comment on similar situations and the law in general. Law is great for securing money damages, but it is neither set up for nor is it any good at giving someone “their life back.” I have seen too many instances where people believe a lawsuit will give them more than money damages and by believing this, they fail to do the other things necessary to get their life back. Psychologists and psychiatrists are good at helping people get their life back, lawyers generally are not.

  3. Hah! This is a riot. But, let’s not be naive – Beth and Mary are one and the same. Also, I seriously doubt Ted is guilty of anything other than choosing a real bunny-boiler to have sex with.
    Ryan, I don’t think you should encourage this loony. Millions of people suffer unrequited love without seeking monetary damages.

  4. @ChinaMatt: To be fair – this is one (or 20) in a hundred that wasn’t a nice average person just looking for information before they make one of the biggest trips of their life.

    @Jason: You’re absolutely right – I’ve lost track of the number of people I’ve met here who were intentionally vague about their “past” lives. Young, eager, beautiful women … different country (let alone zip code)… cheap alcohol… recipe for disaster (and a helluva good time).

    @Dan: Thanks for chiming in, and I couldn’t agree more.

    @Kudzu Fire: A snake photoblog? Now there’s a niche, and a creepy one at that.

    @Chris: I think you’re likely right.

    @Jason: see this

    @克莱夫: I’m sorta waiting for her to say “Ted” is from Nigeria and his father was a wealthy business man…


    Before anyone gets too concerned about my involvement in this – remember, I’m not giving any information I wouldn’t give to anyone that asked.

  5. It’s sad to see, but difficult for me to feel fully sympathetic when people get cheated financially by someone they’re dating. Unless you’re married to somebody, you simply don’t give them money or access to said money. Period.

  6. I’m with Chris, Mary and Beth are the same person. This email seems really manipulative to me, I’m glad that you aren’t going to get involved, because I think that’s what she wants from you.

    I’m actually moving to Suzhou in August, but never thought of emailing you. It seems a little weird to contact a complete stranger even for basic advice, let alone help with a romantic relationship!

  7. Pingback: British Embassy in China Eager To Locate You | Lost Laowai China Blog

  8. Uh ….. sounds like Ted might have got out just in the nick of time. How can someone be so crushed and ruined after a breakup? We’re not talking years and years of marriage. And Mary/Beth isn’t so young that she does not know better.

    @Chip: and maybe even when you are married you need to be careful …..

  9. I do feel for her. This isn’t about money, but trust. In most relationships, the two, inevitably, come together. She trusted the guy, and he abused her trust (most of all, emotionally). Even without the financial loss, his behaviour is detestable. It doesn’t sound as though he had a reason for disappearing. They sound pretty solid to me. Looks to me as though the guy has a lot to be thankful for – TO HER!

    Psychologists and psychiatrists may be good at helping people “to get their life back”, but they also cost a lot of money. And she wouldn’t need them if this guy had behaved decently.

    It doesn’t matter what age you are. Don’t vilify her for giving him support and wanting to understand why he let her down.

  10. dear friends,
    sorry to say, but i know him and it’s pretty clear that he will need more than the 3 years stated to earn that much money, and guess what, when he earns it, he’s not going to part with it.
    Dear beth,
    additionally, please don’t make a trip, it really won’t help. you should concentrate on healing your friend.
    all the best,

  11. How on earth do you ‘know’ such a cheating, lying sleazebag? Sorry to be sitting on a (moral) high horse, but the guy’s a selfish user – ‘using’ somebody’s generosity for his sordid ambitions, without caring about anybody but himself.

    It would be interesting to find out what UK law has to say about the money issue. I hope they are checking this out. Getting Ted to repay the money will not give her HER life back, but it would make HIS pretty tough. If there’s any justice in the world, Ted should be back in the gutter. It doesn’t sound as though he would be ‘anywhere’ at all without the support he received.

    There are all sorts of reasons for ending a relationship, but there are also all sorts of adult ways to do so (would a phone call have killed this guy?) – what he has done is weak, cowardly and underhand. I am glad I do not ‘know’ anybody like this!

    And I can’t even imagine how somebody can ‘heal’ after such a betrayal, whatever age they are.

  12. Why are you so damn cold to this poor woman? The biggest problem we have here are the inadequate men that think they need an asian whore to give them a good time. Pathetic little creatures.

    Haven’t you worked out what these ugly tarts are after – money, prestige and most importantly another passport? The ignorance of the western male (society) is frightening.

    It is only a matter of time before there is a backlash about these issues. So keep telling yourselves that you are in paradise and are going to make a fortune!!!

    Lets face it, the rest of us know you couldn’t make it at home and so now the best option for you is to work in a country full of liars and cheats and hope to shack up with a chinese illiterate that only knows how to perform the most base of human acts.

    Absolutely disgusted.

  13. This actually sounds like a very common story except it is usually someone coming from from China (or another country with many people living in poverty)rather than to China and it is usually the woman who has come over to find work and has ended up as either a maid, or for the unlucky, a prostitute. Having lived in Malaysia, China and spent some time in Singapore, the story is often that they leave their family (often with children) to a country that has better prospects with the promise of sending money back or coming back with a lump sum that will bail the family out of whatever financial slump they are in. Often, these couples or families are young. Married in their late teens or early twenties and when they get to the country they discover a life that is far more promising than expected and their promise to their families/ partners is not as attractive compared to the life of rich men in fast cars and indoor flushing toilets.

    Of course we do not know what kind of squalor Mary & Ted were living in in London, but I can certainly understand the attraction of the fast pace and bright lights of Suzhou being hard to leave…

  14. Isn’t it actually time the world ceased to accept the arrogant greed of the Chinese.

    My goodness, if I were to tell a trajic story about my family, life etc then I too could expect sympathy, help and understanding from people with open hearts and deep pockets (?) – I think that is highly unlikely, however I am actually living in the real world – not an asian fantasy.

    Evidently ignorance is “bliss” to those unable to observe reality around them.

  15. Let’s not be general and antagonistic, please. I am sure there are many very happy relationships between Chinese women and Western men, based on mutual respect and genuine feelings. But for every Ted, there are probably a fair few gold diggers who are dazzled by the prestige of catching a Ted and will do anything to get him. And for every honest man, there is a lying scumbag like Ted who falls for such shallowness. Wouldn’t it be funny if ‘Ted the user’ has been ‘used’?

    Ted’s deluded. He appears to have been a failure back home and is using his Western status to charm China (and the women). I wonder how long it will take his new Chinese buddies to see beneath Ted’s surface and realise he’s not what he pretends to be. It would be really sad to think that he could go on deceiving, cheating and lying.

    I hope Mary’s getting legal advice on how to get her money back, at least some of it. I cannot imagine how she expects to ‘heal’ emotionally after this betrayal, but I hope she gets herself a good solicitor.

    Ted owes her big time, in many ways! It doesn’t look as though Mary and Ted were living in any kind of squalor, looks like Mary has a good job and owns a house. How would she have been able to support him otherwise? I don’t think she and Ted were living on baked beans.

    As far as I’m concerned, I hope Ted gets what he deserves, that his past catches up with him and he becomes a victim of his own lies. Time for a reality check, Ted?!

  16. hi ryan.i feel i have to respond to you about mary/beth. i dont see why it makes a difference if they are the same person,like some cynical responders are saying.ted the lowlife,makes me feel so proud of myself,that i am the total opposite sort of human,if you can call him human, being.he shames the human race,and the western world.he should be found and forced to see mary/beth,and know what he has done to her life.then castrate him,so no more of his sort can be let loose on the world. nice site. keep up the good work. i will be back.

  17. I stumbled across this story coincidentally a few weeks ago. I don’t usually join in this kind of semi-public debate, but I was really shocked to read what this man has done to this woman – and, no, I would feel no differently whatsoever if I were a guy! Yet, more than the sadness of this desperate situation the ‘views’ reflected in some of the replies upset me. There are only three or four people who DON’T treat this as a big joke. A soap opera? Spam? Manipulative sob story? I cannot imagine what Mary must be going through, even after all this time. And nor can all you insensitive respondents!

    I would like to know how Mary is feeling now. Has she taken a solicitor? Has she hired a contract killer? Are her friends able to help her through this? If she loved and trusted Ted as much as Beth’s letter indicates, this is not something she will simply shrug off. And if Ted’s actions have made her ill, it’s not something anybody ‘wants’ to be. Maybe the cynics out there should do some research on depression and grief (and the grief Mary has experienced is worse than death – any counsellor would tell you this).

    Ted seems to have betrayed everything Mary ‘is’. He didn’t just betray their relationship, he betrayed everything that matters: morals, honesty, respect, dignity, to name but a few. Only the most shallow out there can live without these.

    And why should they be one and the same woman? If Mary is brave enough to contact a complete stranger, why would she pretend to be her own friend? I wish I had a friend like Beth.

    So why ridicule someone for clearly giving this low-life of a man more support than most of us will ever get? And then he just turns round (he didn’t even do that though, did he?) and shits on everything she’s done for him? And people out there think this is funny? That Ted got out just in time? That this is Fatal Attraction?

    George (it was George’s and BenJo’s (male or female?) replies that finally made me decide to share my views) said that Ted should be forced to meet Mary. I agree with that. Ted has committed a crime, and he should be confronted with the victim of his crime. Banana said he ‘knows’ Ted. If he (?) really does know him (his real name and where he can be found), then why doesn’t he come forward and let Mary know (via Ryan?) how she can get in touch with him? If the guy’s earning excellent money in China and Mary lent him a fortune when he had nothing, is there no way the guy can be made to ‘pay’ (in more ways than one)?

    Ted’s guilt and selfishness will, I hope be his downfall. I hope Mary will get a chance to spit on his grave. How long will Ted be able to pull the wool over people’s eyes in China? He can’t fool them forever and make them think he’s the Western Golden Boy. I don’t know China personally (although I have read a lot about it), but it would be sad to think that a big wallet is all the Chinese need to protect someone (in that case, Ted’s callousness and greed would be highly rated!). Somebody is clearly protecting Ted. His boss, his friends, the ‘gold digger’ trophy girl and her family (he’s too good to lose).

    But when Ted is stripped of his cash and when people start seeing the real Ted (I wonder if Ted knows who the ‘real’ Ted is anymore …), when they see only the shallowness of his character, there is nothing that can make Ted a human being.

  18. Hello, this is ‘Beth’ (not my real name, as you know). I’ve been following the entries (on and off) since Ryan decided to put my email on the blog (which I objected to strongly, still do). But since there is clearly some (voyeuristic) interest in this tragedy, here is an update. If there is anybody out there who can / will offer concrete help, this would be hugely appreciated (confidentiality guaranteed).

    First of all, ‘Mary’ and ‘Beth’ are not identical (I find this insulting). All I want to do is support my friend. Over the past year, I have watched her fall apart. And I have been unable to do more for her than be there for her when my time allows, hold her and listen to her. I have taken her to hospital (yes, she is extremely sick) and have made sure that some of her bills are paid. I wish I could do more. ‘Mary’ is a wonderful friend. She is generous and doesn’t judge people (she never judged ‘Ted’ for being destitute; instead, she supported him – so that he could treat her like this?).

    Thanks to ‘Ted’s’ arrogance and indifference, ‘Mary’ is going to lose her home in the new year – unless ‘Ted’ pays what he borrowed from her. Yes, ‘Mary’ has employed a solicitor, but ‘Ted’, the selfish scum, has been ignoring all this since September (and ‘Mary’s’ attempts to talk to him about his debt for much longer). ‘Ted’ has two well-paid jobs in Suzhou and is earning enough (many times over) to repay ‘Mary’. ‘Mary’s’ solicitor has asked for modest monthly repayments, which would not compromise ‘Ted’s’ affluent, wasteful, show-off lifestyle. ‘Mary’ has bank statements to prove that she did lend (not ‘give as a present’) ‘Ted’ all this money. Yet, ‘Ted’ has not even bothered to acknowledge the fact that he owes 10,000 pounds (on top of everything ‘Mary’ gave him (= not a loan) in London.

    There are some people whose entries have been very kind (thank you) and many whose entries have been as callous as ‘Ted’s’ character (what makes you the judge of someone else’s agony? Are you no better than ‘Ted’?). This is no longer about ‘lost love’ (such abominable betrayal could never be forgiven by a hugely intelligent, proud woman), this is about ‘Ted’ being a thief and a criminal. This is about justice, respect and what is morally right. This is also about China (and everybody who has bought ‘Ted’s’ lies) protecting him. This is about those amongst you who know ‘Ted’ and think he has done nothing wrong.

    So, if anybody does know where this human (?) filth can be found (someone seems to ‘know’ him! There will be others), and what can be done, could they (as the last entry suggests) contact me via Ryan? I can assure everybody that this is a genuine matter – how would any of you feel if you give your trust to another person, only to find out that he is a fraud and has betrayed you, together with taking your life savings?

    I wish everybody (except for ‘Ted’) out there a peaceful Christmas. – ‘Beth’

  19. I experienced much the same situation, had what I thought was a good relationship until he hit China to teach, took him two weeks before he was shacked up with some Chinese cookie and asking me to delay joining him in China, his lie was he hadnt been able to find an apartment fit to live in.

    Over the next month found out he was drinking and was in fact an alcoholic. Something he had failed to share with me, I was under the illusion the choice not to drink was a mututal life style decision.  

    Since then he has destroyed me financially because we had bought a home together and I couldnt manage all the expenses on my own. We had been together for four years prior to deciding to go to China. I am a successful professional who has never encountered anything like this in a relationship before but located two women he had prior relationships with and they had the same experience with him.  Both were left much poorer then they were when they met him.

    He’s gone through dozens of Chinese women spending every cent he earns, has destroyed his Cdn credit rating and left me holding the bag.

    Whats worse is he promises the women who dont trade sex for $$ that  he is going to marry them in order to get them into bed. He is obssessed with Chinese women, its apparently a fetish he has developed once he got to China, but at the same time he abuses their trust, uses them discards them and moves onto another one.

    To anyone who has found themselves in this situation I have this advise: There is no such thing as closure, its a myth, there is nothing these dirt bags could say that would ever bring “closure”, nothing a sane person would understand anyhow.

    Mary needs psychiatric help rather then trying to find this man. I suspect she is suffering under the illusion he once more needs her to “rescue” him. This is indicitive of a serious personality disorder.  

    She should consider her lucky she cant find him ! Mine is still phoning me, 7 years later and asking for help to get out of his latest mess !!! He is exhibiting very irrational behavior.   

    I believe he could never return to live in a western society at this point, he has spent too much time wallowing in the gutter in China and is showing signs of brain damage because of his drinking, and a rage disorder that now he is finding it harder and harder to find women willing to be with him in China.

    China can keep him.  

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