Christmas Spirit

Christmas Spirit: n. An essentially altruistic approach to oral sex adopted by ladies who believe it is better to give than to receive. ie. ‘Henry rather liked his new bird as she displayed the Christmas spirit in abundance, noshing him off three times a day and never asking for anything in return.’

That rather profane intro comes straight from the pages of my first Christmas gift of the year. Thanks to my dear friend Martin in England, I now have no shortage of rude words and phrases to fill my vocabulary with, as I’m now armed with Roger’s Profanisaurus Rex.

The book dubs itself as the “king of swearing dictionaries” and at first glance I’d say it lives up to the claim. From the back I learned the useful term Breakfast Maker, meaning ‘An early morning fart which is so smelly, that the missus has no choice but to get out of bed and make the breakfast.’

As reading material here in China is always a challenge to find, I’m sure I’ll page through this pretty quick. I mean, who doesn’t need to know what fasterbation means? And who can’t respect a dictionary that is varied enough to include nine definitions with variations of the word clam in it?

From aardvark’s nose to zylophone, it’s sure to remain my most interesting reference book for a long, long time. Take that Oxford, ya pizzle.

6 Responses

  1. Um, yikes.

    Now that’s bedtime reading for you…

    But seriously, it’s nice that Christmas is still celebrated for you, even if you can’t be in a place where it is traditional. Even if takes a book like that to appreciate the time of the year…

  2. Welcome to the joys of the Profanisaurus. I still get the monthly updates in Viz magazine sent out to me by my mum every month. My all time favourite entry was “Crafty Butcher” meaning a homosexual. The reason being that the most craftiest of butchers would always smuggle their meat in through the back door…

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