So, the fateful day has arrived – the day when Carrefour unleashes its anti-China, pride-taking, I-fart-in-your-general-direction May Holiday sale on the masses of Chinese willing to sell out their nation in order to save a few jiao.
The sale, of course, is backed by French members of the Eight-Nation Alliance, who were frozen more than 100 years ago with strict instructions to be thawed out to mastermind just this occasion.
Ah, but China is no fool this time around. Foreign insults will not be taken sitting down. Hell no, China is a Great Nation now. One of honour, pride, common sense, power, and a whole string of other Great adjectives.
No, the Bag’er Revolution is upon us! Where the Boxers failed, the Bag’ers shall not! We will hold up signs and hassle ALL patrons of Carrefour, using our bodies, our BODIES!, to block their way. We, alone, stand as the last bastion of Chinese self-respect. We have risen to the occasion, and now hold the line that must educate those ignorant Chinese that would trade their country for ‘Two Yuan Off’ sales.
We will show the world that we know, yes WE KNOW! what is REALLY going on in . We invite all our foreign friends to come to beautiful China and see for themselves what it is REALLY like in . No, not just what the evil and his mouthpiece CNN want you to believe. Don’t you know the people of have more freedoms than us Chinese erm… people-in-China-but-outside-? They can have AS MANY CHILDREN AS THEY WANT! Really! As many!
Wait… what do you mean there’s no sale? There are signs in the Carrefour window informing thrifty hopefuls that in fact there is no sale today?
But, but… if there’s no sale, does this mean possibly that there were other falsities in the call to arms SMS message I received from my very good and patriotic friends? Wait, does this mean that maybe the CEO of Carrefour doesn’t hang out with the and China bash? Oh boy, does this mean that France really doesn’t hate China and we’ve just spent the last two weeks on a self-serving nationalistic rampage that is as stupid as it is wide-spread?
Oh no…. [lowering head] does this mean that we Chinese have presented the rest of the world with the exact image we were trying to show them we are not?
[rising head with new found vigor] Hell no!
Down with Carrefour! Down with Carrefour! China’s Olympics! One (country) World, One Dream! Fuck you France, fuck you Rest of the World, we don’t need your kind! We don’t need your common sense! We are Chinese! We are proud! We are strong!